![]() ![]() Being a dick to me won’t make yours bigger.The Department of Homeland Security added your existence to the list of “Natural Disasters.”.I’d tell you to blow your brains out, but I’m pretty certain there’s nothing there.Did I hurt your ego? Do you want a kissy on your boo-boo?.All mistakes are fixable, yet you aren’t.I like you just the way you are: uninspiring, uninteresting, and dreadfully unfunny.Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. You’re an unscented candle in a store full of beautiful fragrances.I lose my valuable time and any semblance of compassion I had left. I applaud your effort, but I think I’m the only one in the audience.I’m not going to repeat myself, but I’m also glad to do anything that prevents you from talking.You hear that? It’s the sound of me not caring.When they said grow a pair, they didn’t mean for you to have kids.Funny, I don’t remember you raising your hand.Has anyone ever tried to smack some sense into you? Allow me to be the first one.Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are. Some people hatch into beautiful butterflies.Louie Armstrong would have never released “What a Wonderful World” had he met you.I would like some tips on how to clear my mind from someone with nothing meaningful to contribute.Your skin is glowing, but I think it’s from the radiation emanating from your toxic ass personality. ![]() You’re the type of person that uses their 3 rd grade research paper as a resume booster.You’re the corner piece to an unsolvable puzzle: everyone looks right past you.Your ignorance makes my racist uncle look like Albert Einstein.The series of mental backflips I had to do to try and understand your point should have broken my neck.Earth has a population of over 7 billion, and I had to meet the biggest loser imaginable.No amount of self-editing can fix the massive failure your autobiography would be.And yes, I’m referring to the mirror as well. The fact that someone wakes up to your face in the morning should be alarming.Is part 2 of your argument coming out soon or is that it?.Worse, you don’t want them to have the last word, So, we’ve compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. You don’t want to match their ridiculousness. You could be…dumbass partners in crime? No, you want something witty, something to cut them to their core. Though, it’s not always easy to think of a comeback on the spot. Your friends say the meanest things sometimes, don’t they? ![]()
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